Championship Matches – Week 1 — August 21st

No predictions yet.

Division Finals: August 7th

Blue Division: It’s No Pack Randy Smith (63.0) who is 100% at least 99% of the time taking on Larry the Leader. The Leader is going with hashtag #Iwantafight. No Pack is trying to top the point total of Buck Fitzsimons (62.5) who has Son of Bam in his sights. SOB will be devouring wild boar and rustic root vegetables the night before. He feels like a saber tooth tiger and is ready for hunter-gatherer stand off.

Green Division: Multi-champ John Hoffmann (69.5) will bring his one-of-a-kind swing and give away strokes to Good Guy. He’s ready to write an e-book on how his effing swing got so good. GG hasn’t visited a CrossFit gym, but four hamburgers and a beer ought to be good enough for lunch before this match. Multi-champ will try to maintain his lead over Rowdy Dave Clark (67.0) who knows close encounters of the third kind as faces a resurgent Boom-Boom Baker. Rowdy states he has no aspirations for the green jacket, but it would sure look good hanging in his Bear Lake Bar.

Notable Matches:  A number of golfers hover at or below the top 8 cut-off for the Championship Finals.  This match could send any of these golfers to the second flight.  Good Luck!!!!!

July 31st 

In honor of the TC Film Festival, the golf gurus have found movies to represent each of the players and matches.  Ala the Blues Brothers, “We are on a mission from God.”   So, check out the new predictions. If you can think of better movie fits for your match, feel free to submit your ideas.  As in Blazing Saddles, “Badges….we don’t need no stinking badges.”

Weiss (Pulp Fiction) vs. L. Moore (Young Guns)

Clough (The Quiet Man) vs. Weaver (The Dark Knight)

Povolo (The Godfather) vs. Boulton (Goodfellas)

Baker (What About Bob?) vs. Rice (Music Man)

Tubbs (The 40 Year Old Virgin) vs. Buck (Walking Tall)

LeJeune (Rudy) vs. Sanok (One Flew over the Cuckoo’s Nest)

Hoffman (Wizard of Oz) vs. Hunting (Good Will Hunting) 

Martin (Dirty Dancing) vs. J Smith (Raging Bull)

Cenci (Houdini) vs. R Smith (Presumed Innocent)

B. Moore (King Kong) vs. Clark (Close Encounters of the Third Kind)

Piehl (From Here to Eternity) vs. Nelson (Men in Black)

Edwards (Edwardscissorhands) vs. Corr (Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid)

 Dean (Gladiator) vs. Scherrer (Crouching Tiger)

 

A brand new anonymous Golf Guru has sharpened his pencil and scrawled predictions on the back of a manila envelope with special delivery to the website.  He’s all about calling it the way he sees it.

Cenci vs. Nelson: Let’s start with the fact that Bob has to give the “Bench” 3 strokes. How often does Bob give strokes? The Bench is vastly improving, having a 59 in his last outing, breaking the upper Mendoza line, plus receiving 3 strokes, and he was sighted at the driving range last week….this one goes to the ”Bench” 6-4.
Hoffman vs. Rice: Looks like a buddy match and part of the Senior Cup. John gives away 10 strokes. John has the highest handicap he’s ever had in the league. Is Joe’s hand completely healed? John wins this match 6.5-3.5
B. Moore vs. Boulton: It would be more fun to watch these two in a political debate than a golf match. However, golf it is. BAM has points on his mind and a lead to protect. Boulton has to stay focused on golf and try not to talk too much during his own backswing…. With BAM giving a stroke per hole, there could be a lot of splits, which will make it close, but BAM wins this narrowly 5.5-4.5.
Martin vs. Hunting: This is going to be one “hip” match, as in, two hip guys who need a little surgical help in the hip department. Regardless, this match will not be decided by hipsters or hippies but rather by which one will have the least amount of putts, which in this case is going to George….6-4.
Dean vs. L. Moore: New handicaps were not out as of this writing, however I have to believe that Levi’s is going to drop a point or two posting a 53 two weeks ago and a 47 this past week, and buying a toaster on a stick that he can actually hit. LTL will need to stay steely eyed and focused to have a chance against a guy who has sights on winning his division. This one goes to Levi 6.5-3.5.
Edwards vs. J Smith: Hmmmm….seems like Jeff is pretty tired by the time league rolls around having already played 18 holes before teeing up with the MnMer’s. John is a well traveled happily retired guy who is relaxed and enjoying life. John also gets 5 strokes from Jeff which won’t hurt. John gets the narrow win here 5.5-4.5
Piehl vs. Tubbs: Tom has been playing some pretty consistent golf this year and is still the reigning Champ. Rob is one of the league rookies and though he is playing a lot more golf this year, it’s still anyone’s guess where that ball will land off that persimmon’s mashie???? This one goes to Tom 7-3.
Clough vs. Clark: AKA the Bud Light vs. Miller Lite match. Which of these two beer consumer’s will care enough about the outcome to pay any attention to the details of golf. Dave gives a few strokes to Jim but the real factor will be who races to the beer cart first. This one goes to Rocky 6-4.
Fitzsimmons vs. Povolo: This match will be close, that’s all there is to it. Buck gets two strokes, which will potentially help him. Joe needs to hit his iron’s crisp and make some putts to stand a chance. Buck will stand just a bit taller than Joe in the end (oh wait, he already does) and win 5.5-4.5
Corr vs. Weaver: Orange Crush vs. Root Beer, yup, the wearer of that bright orange shirt vs. A & W. This one could be “soda” interesting if it has a little “fizz” and “pop” to it. So sure enough, whoever plays best “can” win this without drawing the shortest “straw.” Okay, enough puns…Andy wins 6-4.
R. Smith vs. Sanok: This one could be close. Two competitive guys with hardly any strokes exchanged who can both play some pretty good golf when they want to. I predict a lot of splits, all the way to the end with a sister-kissing finish of 5-5.
Weiss vs. Baker: A tale of two Bob’s….Two slicer’s…Two similar handicaps…could be another close match with lots of splits. Close enough to call it another tie 5-5.
LeJuene vs. Scherrer: Jim is due for a good round, oh but wait, so is Tim. Both have been a little inconsistent this year. Jim is giving a few strokes, but will it be enough for Tim to take advantage of and win? Jim will edge out Tim like a U of M victory over the Fighting Irish on a football field in September. Jim wins 6-4

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With the Golf Gurus on vacation, you pick the winners and losers for July 17th.  Here are the  submissions thus far:

Scherrer v. L. Moore: This is kind of a scary match. Who will show up? Having completed a quick review of Son of Bam’s scores this season … And a risk / reward analysis of each of our performance over the last few weeks, I’ll say it’s Scherrer over Levi 6-4.  Scramble (formerly “Sure Swing” before the truth was known)

Povolo v. Nelson:  Oh great, I get to play against “the Bench” also known as, my boss! Well if last years match is any indicator, he’ll win for sure as somehow I brought out the best in him and he played his best round all year. This year, his handicap is among the highest in the league and mine is among the lowest, which means, wrap-around strokes. Therefore the odds are in his favor. I predict a 4-6 win in his favor. Court dismissed…..
Jolting Joe

Boulton v. Sanok:  Hawkeye broke through last Thursday scoring his highest point total of the season.  This week, I’ll be handing over handicap strokes like tokens at the Cherry Festival Beer tent.  And, Hawkeye is a thirsty fellow who wants to fight through pain.  The weather prediction is for gail force winds blowing from Iowa to Michigan, meaning Hawkeye will make it more than a match.  Prediction is 5 1/2 to 4 1/2 in Hawkeye’s favor.  Hitman

Cenci vs Edwards (sub Byington):  Apparently Edwards was so afraid of this match up (the potential embarrassment of losing to high handicapper Bob) he decided to take the week off and hire Byington as his sub.  Too bad for poor Bob.  While Byington has been mucking it up the past few weeks, this only encourages that he is ready for a good round.  Edwards (Byington) 7, Ceni  3 is the prediction.  I mean, if you swung a club like Bob, would you not be too embarrassed to even play?  Rip Van Winkle

No other predictions have been submitted for the July 17th matches, thus far.

The Golf Guru’s crystal ball predicted 6 ½ points for Steady Tom which was his exact point total! Unfortunately, the GG missed picking some of the big winners (like Martin and Cenci). The GG’s overall picks ended up with a 7-6 record for July 3rd, so he might as well flip a coin this week.

So, here are the coin flips for Cherry Festival Week (July 10th):

Hunting v. Dean: Larry the Leader has put up two stellar weeks, but he’s got to give strokes. Flip the coin. It’s heads, so figure LTL for another big week. Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage for LTL

Baker v. J. Smith: Where’s Waldo and where are Boom-Boom’s points for the last three weeks? Something Else throwing out major handicap points like candy from a Cherry Festival float. Flip the coin. It’s tails, so figure SES for a slight ½ point advantage.

Piehl v. Povolo:  Steady Tom has a proven track record with 6 out of 8 weeks with major points. Jolting Joe isn’t far behind and needs to make a midseason surge. After all, he’s known for that. With low handicaps for both, this should be a slugfest. The coin flip says that it’s a half point advantage for Jolting Joe.

Martin v. Edwards: With 43 points for each of these golfers, we know they both want to gain significant traction in the race. One will be earning the Rolex and the other a Timex. Flip the coin. It’s tails, so the one point advantage goes to Philo.

 Tubbs v. Sanok: Only two handicap points divide these players. Wild Thing has had a couple of low scores on the white course and has managed three wins for 6 ½ points this year. Hitman booked an appointment with his analyst and is now ready to play serious golf. Flip the coin. It’s tails, so the 1 1/2 point advantage goes to Hitman.

Clark v. Rice: Stageman is likely to obtain a sub, so Rowdy has the clear advantage here. He’s in third place and has had some mean point gathering rounds. Flip the coin. It’s heads, so the 1 1/2 point advantage goes to Rowdy.

L. Moore v. R. Smith: Son of Bam has slipped to the middle of the pack with two out of three weeks with meager point totals. He’s still deciding if a new driver might change his luck and the Guru thinks the investment would pay off. No Pack likes his winning ways over the past three weeks. Flip the coin. It’s tails, so a one point advantage goes to No Pack.

Feature Match of the Night — B. Moore v. Weaver:  A & W showed he has game with a convincing win last week…well…make that four out of five of the last five matches. He’s found a new home in the league and is eyeing a rookie green jacket. Bam-Bam had his first setback of the season and it didn’t sit well. He’ll be determined to put on a good show before he heads to the beer tent. This is the match of the night, so the coin flip is…heads. Prediction is a two point advantage for Bam-Bam as he gets back to his winning ways.

Nelson v. Scherrer: Both of these golfers are in the middle of the pack, so they both want to avoid the life of a fafinini. Clearly, the handicap points may make a difference here and Scramble Scherrer is the mystery golfer with the pressure and all. Prediction: The Bench has a one point advantage.

Hoffmann v. Corr: Let’s subtract… 18 minus 8 = 10, and that’s a lot of handicap points to cough up. Hard Core better put on all his orange clothes because Multi-Champ will be gunning for a big win here. MC is only a few good rounds from the top and he’s practicing, playing, and ready to go. Not a giant point difference here, but the Guru goes with 6 – 4 in the MC’s favor.

LeJeune v. Boulton: Mighty Tim has had good point totals in five out of eight matches. Not far from the upper tier, he’s ready to hitch a ride on the fast train. Hawkeye still has to fight through the pain, but be warned he’s a fighter. Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage for Mighty Tim.

Weiss v. Clough: Both golfers have had three tough matches in the last three weeks with points coming at a snail’s pace. Both are hankering for the kind of round that keeps them out of the cellar. Less obvious is who has the determination to do it. The Guru says that The Chief will come prepared and take 5 ½ from Good Guy.

Cenci v. Fitzsimons: Cencidini has shown his magic over the past three weeks with strong point totals and a big smile. On the flip side, Buck has had a slump and a slide. The six point handicap difference will make this match a competitive one. If Cencidini doesn’t back off the gas, he’s favored, but not by a big margin. Prediction: 5 ½ points for Cencidini over Buck.

If you are thinking summer is flying by, you need to realize that it has only just begun.  Luckily, there is still fireworks, elephant ears, and beer tents up ahead.  This week The Guru predicts more fireworks on the golf course.  Look and see who’ll be lighting it up.

July 3rd Predictions

Baker v. Piehl:   Babies could care less whether their milk is from a breast, a bottle, or a garden hose.  But, these two know where their golf comes from and it could suck big time unless they adjust to their rabbit roles quickly.  It’s the “formula” for Steady Tom who is predicted to win big.  Prediction: 6 1/2 points for Steady Tom and the rest of the milk for Boom-Boom

Weiss v. Corr: The very image of a florescent orange shirt this week may make The Chief’s head spin.  The Guru says to wear it again and watch the tornado spin.  Prediction: 1 1/2 point advantage to Hard Core if he wears the shirt

Scherrer v. Povolo:  One of the top matches of the night in the Guru’s opinion.  Pressure is on both players to make their midseason mark.  Call Adult Protective Services if Scramble Scherrer puts a beating on Jolting Joe.  That’s the prediction.  Prediction: 1 1/2 point advantage to Scramble

Clough v. Martin:  They know each others games.  What they don’t know is what makes sense this week to the Guru.  Good Guy has the mental edge that will cut through his competition.  Prediction: 6 points go to Good Guy

LeJeune v. Tubbs:  No mind tricks here.  Just going with the flow.  Wild Thing will be tubing down the river with a cooler of golf shots in tow.  Mighty Tim will still be finding his rhythm.  Prediction: 6 1/2 points go to Wild Thing

Edwards v. B. Moore:  If the Guru is honest, he’d call this one Even Steven, but what the heck, he’s gonna determine a winner.  And, the winner is……..Philo with a half point advantage

Cenci v. Boulton:  The Guru has to check the crystal ball to see if Hawkeye will be playing. Between the black tees and a sore neck, the Guru predicts Hawkeye will step aside.  Too bad, but the sub may triumph.  Prediction: Hawkeye garners 5 1/2 points from his sub.

J. Smith v. Rice:  Looks like another week on the injury list for Stageman.  Something Else will be surrounded by the best talent anywhere…himself.  So, he’ll put up the points.  Prediction: 7 1/2 points go to Something Else Smith

Fitzsimons v. Dean: This match will begin harmlessly as friendly walk into the sunset and end up  as a kickboxing frenzy between two kangaroos.  (Don’t you love that image!) One guy will be sent south of the equator and it won’t be Larry the Leader who loves the black tees. Prediction: 1 point advantage for LTL

Hunting v. Weaver: This match is sponsored by Munson Medical Center following poster child Black Shirt’s stellar recovery.  He’ll be at it again and Root Beer may fizzle with the pressure.  We’ll see.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Black Shirt

L. Moore v. Sanok: All the pressure to perform may build up for SOB.  He’s like a freight train without brakes, but here comes the curve.  Hitman is the spoiler in situations like this and brings out the worst in his competition.  Prediction: 6 1/2 points for Hitman

Hoffmann v. Clark: Multi-Champ is going through a renaissance of sorts as he lines up his game.  So is Rowdy as he lines up evangelicals in the crosshairs of his slingshot.  (You’ll have to ask him!)  Multi-Champ will have no worries here.  Prediction: 6 1/2 points for the guy with all the green jackets

R. Smith v. ????????:  Who knows if The Bench will show.  The Guru can’t weigh in on this one.  Prediction: ????????????

June 19th was a bad night for predictions for the Guru.  He hit the mark with Bam-Bam, Buck, and Mighty Tim, but Rowdy, Steady Tom, and Root Beer exceeded the Guru’s expectations.  We are looking for a guest guru for the June 26th matches.  If you are interested, send the predictions, by email, to Rick.  

 

The Guru pegged some of the June 12th matches with his ala carte predictions of the best burgers in town.  The Guru called it right last week with Mighty Tim LeJeune, Scramble Scherrer, Bam-Bam, and Something Else Smith along with a plateful of others.  This week’s predictions will be as juicy as a rare filet mignon. 

Predictions for June 19 “Red, White, and Blue” 

Hoffmann v. Fitzsimons: Multi-champ is a golfer who never says die. But, Buck’s motto is to speak softly and carry a big stick. Typically top tier, these behemoths will face the last three holes with determination with a winner take all mentality. Prediction: ½ point advantage to Buck.

Baker v. Weaver: Both are soon-to-be bottom dwellers if they don’t make a mark in this match. The guru says to avoid sand traps, chipping, pitching, water, and iron shots. Otherwise, play your game. But admittedly, Boom-Boom has the greater experience in league play. Will he take his turn at glory or let the rookie rise to the occasion? Prediction: Even unless Boom-Boom loads up.

Cenci v. L. Moore: One day, Cencidini will take lessons and one day pigs will fly out of my ass. Until that day, it’ll be a challenge near the green. With the momentum going in SOB’s favor, he’s the pick. He’s lovin’ the top of the league and doesn’t want to go anywhere but up.  But, hold on, Cencidini gets a stroke and will have the advantage off the tee.  Still, The Guru goes with momentum.  Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage to SOB.

Weiss v. J. Smith: More is better than less. Admittedly, one wonders is it enough? Figure this one out on your own. Prediction: Maybe Something Else will win or maybe The Chief will win. Your guess is as good as mine. Toss the coin.

Dean v. Tubbs: Beware of the rookie, Wild Thing, because he’s got some game. Beware of the Larry the Leader, because he’s savvy, shrewd, and qualified. Certainly, one of the matches of the night. Prediction: The guru goes with experience and give a 1 point advantage to LTL.

Martin v. Clark: The real value of friendship is to kick the other guys butt and not have it count in the long run. So, who will do the ass kicking this week? A slim advantage goes to Drew Dog. Prediction: ½ point advantage to Drew Dog

LeJeune v. Nelson: Everything that the guru has ever said about these guys is true. One of them will find himself in a cosmic aloneness asking the question: What the heck am I doing here? Which one will it be? The Bench is riding high in the league standings, but Mighty Tim is picking up speed.  Prediction: ½ point advantage to Mighty Tim

B. Moore v. Corr: Look out. We have Bam-Bam who resembles a cross between Ronald Reagan, John Candy, and John Daly — Conservative, funny, and unpredictable — against Hard Core who showed signs of greatness, but has put up the handicap enhancers. Bam-Bam will prevail and he’s on top right now. Prediction: 1 point advantage for Bam-Bam

Scherrer v. Sanok: Don’t tug on Superman’s cape, don’t spit in the wind, don’t rip the mask off the old Lone Ranger, and don’t mess around with Jim. Scramble Scherrer is fully capable of the low score, but he needs to watch out for the dreaded ten or eleven point swing. For today, expect the best. With Hitman coming off vacation, the rust will be an issue. Prediction: 1 point advantage for Scramble unless his head is out of it or Hitman played golf on his vacation

Edwards v. Clough: Both will be raising eyebrows when he sees his partner’s game. This one looks like a tie the whole way.  But, Good Guy is liking his position near the top. He could rise to the occasion, but Philo will take him on.  Prediction: Even

R. Smith v. Povolo: Binoculars will be needed for Jolting Joe’s drives and his greenside game coming around. There’s little room between the two handicaps to make up for any errors. Mark your balls since there’s no finders-keepers in the match. Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage for Jolting Joe

Hunting v. Rice: Let’s be clear. You’re in a golf league. You are supposed to be competitive. Otherwise, you might as well wear the badge of a fafinini. Clearly, these two have felt the pull of the cellar magnet. But, it was going to be a breakthrough week for Black Shirt, but he’s out with an injury, so it’s either a sub or the mystery golfer. Prediction: 1 point advantage for Stageman

Piehl v. Boulton: The speed of Heinz ketchup is .028 miles per hour. If I had a dollar for every minute this group comes in after 8:20, I’d be a rich man. Three in this foresome will drag the anchor. As long as Hawkeye can manage the wait, he has the advantage.  Steady Tom has got to get out of the funk and start producing again. Prediction: 1 point advantage for Hawkeye over Steady…….where is he….Tom

Predictions 6- 12-14  Lefty Night

This week a big welcome to a new anonymous Golf Guru.

Corr v. Sanok:  Hitman is still missing, so Hard Core has the edge.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Hard Core.

Hunting v. Clough:  Good Guy is on fire with a big point tally last week. Watch out for the lefty slices.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Good Guy.

Cenci v. Dean: Larry the Leader has the advantage here.  Cencidini has the advantage here.  No make that Larry the Leader with his left handed precision.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Larry the Leader.

Weaver v. Weiss:  Has Root Beer tasted The Chief’s talent for verbage.  Let’s see how he endures the vocabulary volume.  Prediction: 2 point advantage for The Chief.

Boulton v. Scherrer:  Both struggled with point totals last week.  Does that signal some driving range practice?   Prediction: 2 point advantage for Scramble.

Hoffmann  v. Martin:  This will be a high-low battle.  Someone will be high and someone low.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Multichamp.

Fitzsimons  v.  R. Smith:  Two seven pointers last week.  This will be a not-to-be-missed event.  Prediction: Even

B. Moore v. Rice:  Bam-Bam has found some game and wants to find a green jacket in his size.  Prediction: 1 1/2 point advantage for Bam-Bam.

LeJeune  v.  Piehl:  Not a pretty scene for Steady Tom who was not as steady last week.  Is being the prize guy too much pressure? Mighty Tim needs to show promise.  Prediction: 1/2  point advantage for Mighty Tim.

J. Smith  v.  Clark:  Rowdy won’t like waiting on every tee and he will.  That means the Something Else will have it all here.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Something Else.

L. Moore v. Povolo:  These two are determined to win big this year.  It’ll be a fist fight.  Prediction: 1/2  point advantage for SOB.

Edwards  v.  Baker:  This is a coin flip.  Heads I win, tails you lose.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Philo.

Tubbs  v. Nelson:  Wild Thing searched for the gold ring and found it last week with a convincing round and big points.  The Bench will need to show up and hit it straight.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Wild Thing.

Randy Smith as the Mystery Golfer:  Not likely you’ll get more than five points off of this guy, so take the five and run if your opponent doesn’t show.

Week 4 Predictions 6- 5-14 (New Handicaps)

Martin v. Tubbs: Now that Wild Thing finally has a handicap, he’s all about showing whether he’s got real game.  Drew Dog hates being an animal, let alone a rabbit.  And, he’s got to set his alarm to wake up early from his nap.  Don’t drive slow, you’re on the tee. Prediction: The guru goes with the rookie and gives a ½ point advantage to Wild Thing

Clark v. Edwards: He’s shaken off jet lag and he’s ready to make his mark.  It’s no more “Where’s Waldo?”  Philo will prevail. Prediction: ½ point advantage for Philo

Nelson v. Dean:  You can only avoid confrontation for so long.  For The Bench, it’s time to pick up the gavel.  Practice makes perfect and the Guru is guessing that The Bench hasn’t had any.  Flashback to the past, it’s time for Larry The Leader to show his game.  No doubt here, LTL will prevail. Prediction: 1½ point advantage for LTL

Clouch v. Corr:  Someone needs to gain some significant traction out of this match-up.  But, someone will be booking a time slot with a Belle Tire as the bald tires show their wear.   This isn’t rocket science, it’ll be neck and neck at the finish line. Prediction: 1/2 point advantage for Good Guy

Cenci v. Scherrer: Cencidini needs more than magic, he needs to pull a rabbit out of his ass.  Scramble will bring his magic wand and sleight of hand to this one.   Prediction: 1 point advantage for Scramble

Rice v. Weaver:  Perhaps Root Beer will show us some different fizz this week with his new  handicap.  The guru thinks that Stage will have his curtain closed if he doesn’t perform in the dress rehearsal.  Prediction: The guru gives the rookie Root Beer a 1 point advantage

Sanok v. Povolo:  The guest guru thinks that Hitman is watching whales and has a sub.  If it’s a low handicapper, it’ll all go to Jolting Joe.  If the sub is a high handicapper, Hitman has it made.  Jolting Joe is always read to pump it down the middle  Prediction: Giving Jolting Joe the one point advantage that he deserves

Hoffmann v. Baker: This match sounds immensely appealing, of course, but someone may be booking an appointment with the Mistwood golf pro by the end.  Prediction: A 6 1/2 to 3 1/2 match.  Who goes to see the pro?  Only the guru knows.

Boulton v. Fitzsimons: Retrieving a bag full of vitamins, we’re thinking Buck is muscling up for this match.  Handicapping will even the field, but the guru is choosing a proven green jacket player.  Prediction: Luck goes to Buck with a 1 point advantage

Weiss v. Hunting:  Let’s be clear.  This will be a boxing match.  Raise those gloves and have at it, boys.  No kicking, biting, or eye gouging.  Prediction: 1/2 point to Black Shirt with a late round surge

LeJeune v. R. Smith:  Mark your balls…no not those…your golf balls.  Mighty Tim will be on top.   Prediction: 1 point advantage for Mighty Tim

B. Moore v. J. Smith:  Does hearing music affect golfer development?  The guru thinks so and Something Else will be playing his golfing symphony.  He’ll bring the whole package.   And, there’s a five minute limit on looking for lost balls.  So Bam-Bam, you best keep them in the fairway.  Two Moores in a cart…that’s two farts in a cart.  Extra energy propelling that one around the course, indeed.  Prediction:  SES has the advantage here with a full point.

Piehl v. L. Moore:  Pal, it’s a green jacket versus a near green jacket.  Tom, the terrific, is already in mid-year form and leads the league.  If SOB wants to get into the same summer spot, he’d better pick up some fudge on the way to the course.  The guru is tossing the candy to SOB on this one.  No one can anyone really be as perfect as Steady Tom.  Prediction: It’s a close one, but a 1/2 point to SOB

Week 3 Predictions 5-29-14 (Handicap Week)

J. Smith v. LeJeune: When you’re a rabbit, you can’t lay turds all over the course for the rest of the league. Something Else Smith laid a turd the first week, but not the second week carding a low forties round. It was the same pattern for Mighty Tim, but he’s has found the fairway again. Still SES will prevail. Prediction: ½ point advantage for SES

Corr v. Baker With a 12 stroke difference between the first and second weeks, Hard Core isn’t bragging anymore. Boom-Boom had the consistency to come through. This isn’t rocket science. Prediction: 1 point advantage for Boom-Boom

Clark v. Hunting  This is a match that results in nightmares for someone. Rowdy and Black Shirt will yuck it up, but someone won’t be laughing.  Will it just be nifty fifties or will someone show up? Prediction: 1 point advantage for Rowdy

Boulton v. R. Smith Hawkeye will take this one. It’s his turn. Life rarely offers do-overs.  Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage for Hawkeye

Fitzsimons v. Sanok Buck had the mojo going and he’s looking better than new. Hitman can’t figure out which toilet his game is in. This is an easy call. Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage for Buck-a-ram

Hoffmann v. Edwards He has the head of Tiger, the body of Luke Donald, and the finesse of Chi-Chi. Not an eclectic dresser, but that doesn’t matter, Multichamp brings it every week. Philo has to still get in his rhythm, but the seven strokes should help. Prediction: Even

L. Moore v. Nelson Both sport the kind of handicaps that others envy. The best strategy here will be to lay out a lot of kindling and light a big fire. If The Bench gets the burn going first, SOB will be praying for rain.   Prediction: ½ point advantage for The Bench

Weiss v. Moore Calling all jabberwockies, it should be a gabfest. Both have had respectable rounds. Prediction: ½ point advantage for Bam-Bam

Tubbs v. Scherrer Wild Thing and Scramble will try to make their handicaps look decent after the first three weeks. There’s no truck full of puppies on the line here, but one will get kudos on the deck. Tough prediction, but…1 point advantage for Scramble Scherrer

Martin v. Weaver Drew Dog is as energized as ever. He’s ready to fulfill the promise he made to himself…be the ball!!! He’s got this one in hand. Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage for Drew Dog

Cenci v. Piehl Steady Tom has proven he’s a winner and has brought home the bacon for two weeks now. There’s no letting up here. Cencidini better bring his “A” game or it’s the little piggie that went home. Prediction: 2 point advantage for Steady Tom

Clough v. Rice What happens when two “good guys” clash? Well, timing will be everything with confidence. If the real Good Guy doesn’t fall into a dark hole of dispair and if Stage can get in the groove, this should be a match worth watching. Prediction: ½ point advantage for Good Guy

Dean v. Povolo Calling all shutterbugs. It’s time to start filming. This is the match of the night. Jolting Joe will bring a topnotch game and wants to show –off for another week. Larry the Leader won’t be giving an inch. Prediction: Someone will walk away with 6 points and it’ll be one of them. Go for it dudes!

Weekly Predictions 5-22-14

Clark v. R. Smith  No Pack has had two weeks of the slow burn after his first week stumble.  Rowdy has a new weapon, or does he?  It’s time for these guys to recognize their personal need to be special even when they’re in the sand, woods, and water.  We think  the handicap difference makes a big difference here unless shit happens. Prediction: 1/2 point advantage for Rowdy

Hoffmann v. Moore, B  Some guys put their balls in the fairway.  Others spend their lives searching the rough.  Ok not fair, you say.  I agree.  Spring play and signals predict the role will be reversed this week.  Watch out for Bam-Bam, he’ll be coming on strong.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Bam-Bam

Boulton v. Nelson  How to become an optimist in one easy golf lesson.  Both want to perform and neither wants to talk defeat on the deck.  Hawkeye sports some strokes, but strokes may not matter.  No ripple of goodness or generosity here; this should be a quiet battle for bragging rights.  Prediction: Even

J. Smith v. Weaver  Root Beer will still need to prove whether he’s sugar free or not, and probably doesn’t want a handicap enhancer round.  Today, knowledge is power.  Something Else Smith has the experience….has the poise…has the swing…has the round.  Prediction: 1 1/2 point advantage for SES

Povolo v. Cenci  Jolting Joe didn’t take off like California Chrome the first night, and he’s had two weeks to process, but it’s the first night jitters for Cencidini since he’s missed two weeks.  JJ’s first drive will tell the story.  If long and down the middle, Cencidini may be deep in doo-doo.  Prediction: 2 point advantage for Jolting Joe

Weiss v. Martin  “No go if it’s 50 or below,” says The Chief.  No hypothermia tonight as Drew Dog turns up the heat with his not so newly found game.  He’s established his game and he’s proved his consistency. Has The Chief even cleaned off his clubs from last year and will the fearless fade fly frantically?  At minimum, The Chief will get a good workout.  Prediction: 1 1/2 point advantage to Martini

Piehl v. Sanok  Steady Tom looks forward to this match each year and lays down a tabletop tome as the wager.  Hitman says “Bring it on” and has taken the last two matches.  A slugfest to the end, but partners in fun too.   Prediction: Even

Edwards v. Rice  In absentia for two weeks, Stageman may struggle to find his game. We think it’s another sub on board for Philo so how can one predict this event.  Let’s give Stageman the benefit…he’s got music and may sing his way to victory.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Rice

Tubbs v. L. Moore  It’s young versus new in this match.  SOB has tasted the thrill of the finals and wants more.  That’s more for Moore.  We’ll be watching Wild Thing’s play to find out what he has, good or bad.  He’s got the one-putt crown….for now. Prediction: 1/2 point advantage for SOB

Clough v. Baker  It’s time for a Good Guy sighting.  He tried to lead the league with a two sub start, but that strategy faltered due to the weather.  You are on your own again!  Boom-Boom will be ready to play.  He wants a real year and break into the top echelon.  And, who doesn’t?  Prediction: 1/2 point advantage for Boom-Boom

Fitzsimons v. Scherrer  Momma said it’s a game of give and take.  You can’t hurry love and you’ll have to wait for opportunities with this match.  Two fierce competitors wanting to make their mark.  In our book, this is one of the premier matches of the night and it’ll be close, but it’s not going to go 5 – 5.  Prediction: 1 point advantage for Buck or maybe 1 point advantage for Scramble.  We’ll have to wait and see.

Corr v. Hunting  Hard Core wants to have another stamp on his league passport.  His first night showing was impressive.  He’ll need to battle Black Shirt’s legendary short game to beat him.  That’s a hard nut to crack and Black Shirt has all the confidence to triumph.  If Hard Core proves the prediction wrong, he’ll get more credit next week, but he has to prove it with both scoring and points.  Prediction: 1 1/2 point advantage for Black Shirt

LeJeune v. Dean Mighty Tim might will need to keep his drives straight and long to beat Larry The Leader who sheds his fear and loves to be totally in control.  Handicap strokes won’t do all the work here.  After the night, someone’s life will be like a camera with an endless memory card.  Plus, there’s a lot of last group pressure to make it into the clubhouse before dark.  Prediction: One point advantage for LTL

Week Two Predictions 5-15-14

Weiss v. Moore,L.  Being a rabbit won’t suit The Chief and being alone with The Chief won’t suit SOB.  Has The Chief even cleaned off his clubs from last year and will the fearless fade fly frantically?  Prediction: 1 1/2 point advantage to SOB

Clough (Sub?) v. Weaver  It looks like another week off for Good Guy, so a sub will sit in and play his heart out.  Root Beer’s still showing whether he’s sugar free or not, and probably doesn’t want a handicap enhancer round.   Prediction: Even

Povolo v. Boulton  Hawkeye sports some strokes and Jolting Joe didn’t take off like California Chrome the first night, so if the temperature drops, these guys ought to heat it up.  If Hawkeye closes his eyes when Joe hits his drives, he may use his handicap strokes to his advantage.  Prediction: ½ point advantage for Hawkeye

Baker v. Rice  After a no-show start, Stageman will struggle. Boom-Boom will be baking up a batch of I’m-ready-to-beat-your-butt-cake.  Let’s see. Prediction: Boom-Boom with a 2 point advantage

Tubbs v. Fitzsimons  Can Wild Thing put up seven one-putts for a second week?  Unlikely, so watch the three putts you don’t want seven of them!  Buck has a green jacket so he knows how to handle a new fish and will reel him in.  Prediction: 2 point advantage for Buck

Hoffmann v. Hunting  These guys know each others games.  Black Shirt is the king of the short game and Multi-Champ rules the fairway.  The handicap difference will even it out Prediction: Even

LeJeune v. Sanok  Mighty Tim might go psycho on this one with Hitman’s mental strategies.  If leaves the course talking to himself, you’ll be able to guess the point totals.  Prediction: One point advantage for Hitman unless Mighty Tim listens to himself.  If so, it’s a two point difference

Martin v. Smith, J.  After getting knocked around the first week, Something Else will be shining up his balls and looking for a match.  Drew Dog will mix the martini and give him all he can handle.  Light on the vermouth.  Prediction: Someone’s gonna suffer more – 5 ½ to 4 ½ – your guess is as good as mine

Cenci v. Smith, R. After a tussle with Steady Tom, No Pack will want to take out his anger on  Cencidini, but we know it takes a lot to knock knock Bob off of his game.  In fact, he goes into a trance hypnotized by his straight drives.  Maybe, his no-show last week will shake things up.  We think so.   Prediction: 2 point advantage for Randy

Moore, B. v. Clark  They had two scores of 49 last week and come close on handicaps.  Someone may surge, but then again, may not.  Buy a beer for each other. Prediction: Even

Piehl v. Nelson  There’s no doubt that Steady Tom wants another green jacket, but The Bench showed that he’s got some new strategies to beat out the bottom dwellers this year with a respectable first week.  Prediction: 1/2 point advantage for Steady Tom

Edwards (Sub?) v. Corr  Hard Core wants to make sure that Philo isn’t a league leader by the time he gets back from Europe.  Hard Core will have to show Speedy Snyder that he really has a valid league passport.  Speedy still has to earn his so watch out!! Prediction: 1 1/2 point advantage for Hard Core

Dean v. Scherrer Despite the first week stumble, Scramble Scherrer will be ready to play –as always.  Larry the Leader will check his distances, once, twice, and three times before he hits the ball and not leave ’em short.  Prediction: It’s a Domino Sugar factory for one of these guys.  A toss up on who will get the one point advantage.  Play it to the last shot boys.

Week One Predictions 5-8-14

Clough (Sub ?) v. Scherrer: Good Guy and Scramble will be the first rabbits of the year. Word has it that Good Guy is hightailing it out of here and has his pick of the litter from the subs. Prediction: Even

Hoffmann v. Weiss: Will the wind be blowing? If not, The Chief will take care of it. Multi-champ will roll his eyes and look for the prize. Third place didn’t suit him last year. Prediction: One point advantage for Multi-champ

LeJeune v. Cenci: Figuring 18 fairways in regulation between the two of them, even if the yardage suffers. This will be a battle of fewest mistakes. Prediction: ½ point advantage for Cencidini

Martin v. Rice: Drew Dog and his long driving ability will give Stageman all he can handle. Drew Dog is tired of being a cellar dweller. Don’t call me a fafafini any more. Prediction: 1 point advantage for Drew Dog

Dean v. Sanok: Toss out the handicaps, it’s virtually heads up action. Larry the Leader enjoyed being in the top eight last year while Hitman dropped like a lead balloon. No surprises here, just tough play. Prediction: Larry the Leader wins by a 1/2 point

Moore, B v. Baker: We got the Bam Bam versus Boom Boom. That means Badda Boom badda Bam who’s got the muscle, who’s got the slam. The foresomes ahead better watch for incoming! Prediction: Someone’s gonna kiss their sister – 5 ½ to 4 ½ – your guess is as good as mine

Povolo v. Tubbs: “When’s it gonna be my year?” asks Jolting Joe. Listen dude, have to take the first step and it might be this week against the newcomer. We’ve named the newbie Wild Thing and figure he might live up to the reputation. Let’s see. Prediction: Jolting Joe with a 2 point advantage

Hunting v. Edwards (sub Snyder): Black Shirt has a new weapon named Timothy the chipper. Ed “Speedy” Snyder wants to establish himself as the preeminent Buy-me-a-beer-to-thank-me sub. Too much pressure in our book. Prediction: ½ point advantage for Black Shirt

Fitzsimons v. Nelson: So far it’s Buck one point for showing for the scramble and zero for the Bench. Eager to play, eager to win, and eager to show he’s back for the attack, Buck says if you think you can beat me, more power to you. The Bench needs new strategies to beat out the bottom dwellers this year. Maybe, he spent the winter studying up. We’ll see. Prediction: 1 point advantage for Buck

Corr v. Smith: Hand over a stroke a hole minimum and then let’s talk. A tough match for Hard Core and Something Else who both want to climb this year. Hard Core has new weapons of mass destruction that swing on their own, or so he hopes. Something Else has the experience. Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage for Something Else

Boulton v. Moore, L. At the end of last season, SOB had a taste of victory only to have it snatched out of his golf glove. Hawkeye is baffled that the league has no use for the gilded tees and will find his treasure in another way. Sporting buxom handicaps they’ll milk each other for mistakes and try to find a new foundation. The golfer with the fewest mistakes will win this one. Prediction: Even

Clark v. Weaver: Rowdy is coming off three big wins – last year’s Ryder Cup and the last two Spring Scrambles. What else can he do right? A green jacket would be nice, but Rowdy isn’t that competitive, or is he? DA – IT’S YOUR YEAR FELLA. He’ll take on the newbie aka Root Beer and show him the ropes. We’ll call it “EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED TO KNOW ABOUT OUR LEAGUE AND MORE.” Prediction: 7 points in the bank for Rowdy

Piehl v. Smith, R. It’s two Godzillas ready to tear down the town and there’s no absence of destruction here. We think Smokey has stayed off the nicotine, so it’s No Pack now. No Pack will bring it and he likes the white course. Steady Tom will have to bring out more than irons if he’s going to win this match. Hang up the green jacket for now. Prediction: 1 ½ point advantage for No Pack